Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Training to Obey

Wow, I haven't posted in over a week! I will not be spending time on the computer during the day anymore, unless the boys just happen to take a nap at the same time and I don't have anything pressing that needs to be done. So my posts may become more infrequent. I have been spending the majority of my time with the boys, teaching them and training them to be obedient. I have been studying the website www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com and have learned so much about how to train my children to be godly, and it starts with obedience in the home. Griffin and Sammy both have rebellious streaks, and it is easy to just let them have their way and not fight them. But the harder way is usually the better way, so I'm going to buckle down and work with them. It is hard for me not to sit down at the computer and check e-mail or browse the web while they are awake, but I've already noticed a difference in their behavior. The true test will be Sammy's birthday party on Friday. We'll see how they do. I'm not expecting them to be perfect angels, but I would hope that the hours I'm spending teaching them will pay off. Griffin's Bible verse for the week... Deuteronomy 27:5... "We will listen and obey."



bonnie said...

Well, after watching Oprah yesterday I have an even greater appreciation for mothers and what they go through. I do admire any one willing to take time out with their children.

Maybe when, did I just say WHEN??? I have my own children I will think differently, but I just cannot imagine swatting my child. It is illegal in much of Europe, to lay a hand on your child, so maybe that is where my inner problem with it stems from. On the other hand, maybe I am more of a flaming Democrat than I even realize...you should have heard me last night during the State of the Union address. Ah, my crush on Hillary Clinton, became more apparent than my husband probably would have liked to know! Look at Hillary, wow, did you see Hillary...I know I should get my own blog, I will quit on the politics.

I will be interested to know how this new technique works out for you and the boys though, it sounds very intensive, but maybe that is just at the beginning??!

Carody said...

It's only supposed to take a little while, the intense training part anyway. Once I have established that I am the authority (and Mike, of course!), it should only take gentle reminders once in a while. But so many times in the Bible it says that we should not spare the rod when disciplining our children, or they will grow up to resent us and be, basically, the bane of our existence. They are talking about banning spanking in California, we'll see what happens with that. I know many people don't think spanking is right, but honestly that is the only thing that works with the boys. Time-out is a joke! And counting to three just teaches them that they can wait a while after you tell them to do something to actually DO it. They should be taught to obey immediately, and I shouldn't have to raise my voice to get them to do what I want. I don't know how long it will take... the lady at raising godly tomatoes had one of her strong-willed boys glued to her side (tomato staking, it's called) for basically three years, but for most kids it only takes a matter of weeks or possibly months. We'll see!

bonnie said...

I'm "just curious" - no attacking going on here ;) -how she/people using the technique, balance that with

#1 - letting kids be kids and

#2 allowing them to think for themselves as an individual human rather than to think just like their parents. (?)

Carody said...

Okay, I finally get a moment to answer you! I think this is how she would respond to you, but I'd have to study her website more closely to make sure... haven't read the whole thing yet.

#1 -- Kids will be kids regardless of how they are raised. It is almost impossible to stop a child from having fun. They seem to be able to turn any situation into a game of sorts. She wants people to let children be children. She just believes that they should obey their parents. Actually, her children have more "free time" than kids who go to school. Is this good or not? I don't know. She doesn't let them play with neighbor children or even with each other for long periods of time because she thinks that she has better things to offer them, and more constructive things for them, than their peers do. Now, I wouldn't trade those sleep-overs I had growing up for anything. So I'm not agreeing completely with everything I've read on her site. I love the idea of what she proposes, but I believe that experience taught me a lot, and if I hadn't had those experiences, I wouldn't be the person I am today. And I love being me!

#2 -- People who follow her plan exactly WANT their children to think just like them. They believe that they know what is best for their children, and they don't want their childen to learn from anyone but them. This is a very safe way of raising kids, and if you honestly believe that you know what is best for your children, it might be the way to go, but it isn't for everyone. You have to believe in absolutes, and be willing to have hard and fast house rules (Supernanny would be proud, except for the spanking part), to follow her plan. You also have to be willing to follow your child around and/or have him follow you around every minute of every day -- except naptimes -- while you are teaching him what is "right" and "wrong".

I hope this makes sense. I'm not following her advice to the letter just because life happens and I can't be right next to my children every second. I am, however, learning a lot about what I WANT to do as a parent and how I want to parent my children. I'm not ready to say I'll stick to one person's method of parenting. I don't think anyone is. I think every parent ultimately decides their parenting style for themselves, even those of us who are considered "the conservative right". Every child is different, therefore every parenting method is different. Some kids won't need to be followed around every minute of every day. Others need a jail cell. Just kidding!!!! But some need more one-on-one time than others.

bonnie said...

Well since you left me a message saying I can respond...I will push my luck here a little and tell you what I think about some of that. To prelude, I know you will do what you think is best for your kids, and I think it is good that you aren't taking anyone's word on entirely without questioning it.

So to #1 I can see how that would be true to a point, but I have seen a lot of squashed kids like bug splatter on the windshield of their parent's religious cloister. I know you aren't like that, but there ARE people that are.

#2 I probably shouldn't post what I really think about this one. So I won't. But I will say that if I ever have kids of my own, I sincerely hope that they DON'T think just like me.

Well, anyway we think you are great parents and your boys a plenty of fun too.

Have a fantastic Friday!
Happy Birthday Sammy!

Carody said...

I am glad we have the kind of friendship where we can disagree about things and still be good friends. And the boys just love you guys! Oh, and my sister's girls, of course. You are the COOLEST adult they know. ;)


bonnie said...

Speaking of well behaved we are always impressed with how well behaved Christy's girls are, and beautiful! They should all do a welch's commercial. All the kids, boys included ;) were well behaved on Friday!