Tomato Staking, Part 2

(I started typing this post, and typed several paragraphs before it started sounding very familiar.  I check my previous posts and realized that I already posted some of what I said in this post, but I'll leave it, because obviously it is a big thing that is going on in my life, and has been on my mind constantly.  So sorry for the repeated info!)
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Oliver is SO cute!  Look at those chubby cheeks!  He's so sweeeeet!  Those comments have been coming less and less lately, as Oliver gets bigger and loses his baby innocence.  He can still be very sweet and charming, and he is still cute, but OH MY WORD.  This child has a mind of his own, and he knows how to use it.  He smiles his way into trouble oh, I don't know, maybe 739 times in the course of a day.  I was desperate, people.  Desperate!!!!

Friends heard my desperation and began suggesting a book to me.  Several friends suggesting the same book to me means that that book WILL be purchased and in my house within a week or two.  Well, most of the time.  Unless you're talking about something like 50 Shades of Grey.  That book, and all perverseness of the sort, will never be inside my home.  But that's another topic for another day.

I have read most of the suggested book, Raising Godly Tomatoes by L. Elizabeth Krueger.  The boys think the title is hilarious, as we actually started to get ripe tomatoes on the plants in the backyard around the same time as the book arrived.  Well, I'm working on growing up some tomatoes of my own, but inside the house!  I am finding out just how helpful it is to have Oliver right beside me throughout the majority of the day.  He washes windows with me, he helps me push clothes into the dryer on laundry days, he sits in his high chair and watches me cook (I feel like I have my own little cooking show most of the time now, "Watch Mommy chop the carrots!  Now I will put them into the pan and stir them around.  Hot hot!" as he waves his hand around, indicating that something is hot.)  It is hard.  Everything takes longer with him around, because I am constantly correcting him and teaching him and showing him what to do and correcting him again and showing him what to do again...

I have been working on specific behaviors with Oliver.  Things I want him to do the first time, every time. Eventually I'd like for him to be obedient in everything.  But I started training him late, when he was already used to getting his own way in most things, so it will take him a while to get the hang of listening to Mike and me and doing what we say right when we say it.

The first one was "Sit With Mama."  This means no squirming to get down, no sliding down my leg, no pounding on me while he is sitting on my lap, no yelling in my face, and all of the other things he would do when I tried to hold him before if he didn't want to be held.  I have always told people that Oliver is "not a snuggler."  I am finding out that I simply hadn't trained him to sit with me.  Joy!!  He turned out to quite like snuggling with Mama.  I just have to enforce the "Sit With Mama" rules, and he does great.  We're working on longevity at this point.  He is up to about 30 minutes of sitting with me.  Most of the time, we are reading books or singing songs or "doing" something.  I'm getting him used to being on my lap, under my authority.

Next we started working on "Lay Your Head Down."  At any point while I am holding him, I need to be able to say, "Lay Your Head Down" and have him obey quickly and quietly.  Right now, I am requiring it when he is tired and is ready to go to sleep.  He hated this one when we started, and fought and kicked and screamed and turned bright red and asked for Dada.  But I persevered, telling him, "Lay Your Head Down," and then if he didn't do it right away, pushing his head gently down onto my shoulder (there is no abuse going on in this house, folks).  If he arched his back and pushed against my hand while I tried to push his head down, he got a swift pat on the bottom, which at first made him scream even more and arch his back and push harder.  I just kept on, push, arch, swat... push, arch, swat... push, arch, swat... until he figured out that, Wow, Mama really means business!  He would give in, crying, laying his head down and relaxing, until about 30 seconds later he would hear an interesting noise and his head would pop up again.  "Lay Your Head Down."  Push, arch, swat... push, arch, swat... and his head would be down again.

It is a work in progress, but he has come so far in only a week or two!  Now, when he gets to "Sit With Mama," he sees it as a privilege (most of the time) and he wants to be in my lap.  We're still working on the longevity part.  :)  He'll bring me a book or two, and we have our favorite songs that we sing with wiggling fingers and tickling crawling spiders and little lights being blown out and covered up...  He whimpers for a little bit when I tell him, "Lay Your Head Down," but he does it, usually right away.  If he doesn't want to lay his head down, he does it anyway, but sometimes it will pop back up after a few seconds, and then we go through the push, arch, swat routine until his head is down for good.  It is taking less and less time because he KNOWS what is expected, and he knows exactly what will happen if he doesn't do what I am telling him to do.

My foot has healed enough that I can wear socks and my Crocs and walk around without too much pain.  So, I think the next thing I will work on with him is "Come To Mama."  I'm going to have to be brave when I do this one.  He runs away from me when I say this, so I have been avoiding saying it altogether, and never while I am standing up.  He only comes to me when I am sitting down, because when I am standing, he thinks it is a game and I will chase him, which I'm not going to do.  Now that I am feeling better, I am ready to be 100% consistent with this and spend time training him.  He doesn't know what my expectations are, because I have been inconsistent.

So that's where I am right now!  Making progress, although it feels slow and I get discouraged sometimes, especially because it is so hot and the heat makes me tired.  But God will give me the strength to endure, because He will never give us anything we can not handle, and obedient children is something we are taught to pursue in the Bible, so I know I have God's blessing in this.  Parenting is hard, but it is so worth it!

Tomato Staking, Part 1

I have been using the techniques in Raising Godly Tomatoes, by L. Elizabeth Krueger.  Well, Oliver knows what to expect now.  He knows that when I tell him to do something, he gets a tap on the bottom if he doesn't do it right away, and will keep getting nothing but a tap on the bottom until he obeys.  I have been working on "Come to Mama," and "Get your drink," both of which he knows how to do... but doesn't always want to do if he doesn't see the point.  I'm not trying to get him to do really hard things, I'm just making sure that he will obey when I give him instructions.  He has been doing well, but still has his struggles (don't we all!).

Oliver has come to love hugs and snuggles -- I thought he "wasn't a snuggler," but it turns out that he is just really strong-willed and didn't want anyone else to be in control of his time!  He doesn't like to sit still for long, so I have been working with him on sitting on my lap calmly for longer periods of time.  We're up to about 10 minutes now with no squirming!  Yippee!!  I might be able to go to Park Day with my homeschool group in the future if he learns to do this.  He wears me out otherwise, and I refuse to chase him all over the gym or the park with a hurt foot (It's getting better!  It doesn't hurt to put pressure on the blister now, it just feels like I am stepping on a big caterpillar when I walk.). 

Okay, so here is why I need prayers.  Our current issue, for the past week, is that he has learned how to climb on top of the coffee table and the dining room chairs.  He climbs up on a regular basis, and I tell him to get down, and he just sits there and stares at me.  He knows what "get down" means, but I thought he was refusing to do it, so I have been swatting him (my swats don't hurt, but he knows they mean that he is doing something wrong) when he doesn't obey.  Yesterday, I finally figured out that he can't get down by himself.  He needs me to turn him around onto his belly, and he can wiggle off of the table from there.  But he KEEPS CLIMBING UP!!! 

So this morning, I am trying a new tactic.  He climbed up on the dining room chair as soon as his feet hit the floor.  I was in the kitchen making coffee, and he started calling, "Mom!"  "Mama!"  "Maaaaama!"  "Mooom!"  and I walked over to him and there he stood, on the chair, waiting for the swat that he thought was coming, waiting for me to help him down, because I have always had to help him down in the past.  Hmmmm.....

Can you guess what is coming?

I decided to leave him up there.  "Get down," I said, and left the room.  He started crying and quickly flipped over on his belly and backed off of the chair.  He bonked his ribs on his way down, and that hurt a bit, but he was down really quickly, and he hasn't climbed back up... on the chair. 

He was a busy bee this morning, and learned how to open the gate if it isn't locked.  We have gotten lazy and have stopped making sure we push the gate latch down until it clicks to say that it is locked.  Oliver hadn't figured out that he could open it... until now.  He opened it about 3 times in 30 minutes, then I wised up and figured out what was going on. 

So he moved on.  He climbed up on the big black speaker in between the TV cabinet and the shelves in the living room.  Now he is stuck.  The speak is smaller than the chair, and he doesn't think he has room to flip over onto his belly.  He has been up there for about 20 or 30 minutes, and is desperate to get down.  It is not very high, and he could turn around and wiggle down with no injury, but it is a small space, and he doesn't think he can do it.  I am letting him stay up there, with no swats, just little gentle reminders to "Get down, Oliver." 

I had parked myself on the couch, watching him to make sure that he didn't pull all of the books off the shelves (a favorite thing to do while he is on the speaker -- can you tell he has done this before?).  But there he sat, happy as a clam, patting the shelves, patting the speaker, jabbering his baby-talk to me as I sat there talking back to him.  Hmmm.... 

I am now sitting at the dining room table, where he can't see me very well, and Griffin and Sammy have come downstairs and are eating their breakfast.  They feel sorry for him and want to help him down, but I'm standing firm. 

So, pray for me to have patience and not back down... and for Oliver to get down soon!

Update: I did help him down.  Mike came upstairs from working and suggested that maybe he really couldn't get down, so I went to him, and he climbed me like a tree in his effort to get off of that speaker.  He knows, though, that next time he climbs up he can expect to have a lengthy, lonely stay on the top of the speaker.  He is avoiding it like the plague now.  We'll see how long that lasts!  :)   

Second Update: He climbed up there first thing the next morning, and I left him there again.  Short memory, I guess.  He stayed there crying for 20 minutes, and I had resolved to leave him there for 30 minutes and then get him down, since he truly believed he could not get down.  Sammy came into the room and, not knowing what was going on, helped Oliver off the speaker.  And he hasn't been back up there since!  Yippee!!  He learned his lesson!

Oliver Henry

This is what we have been up to for the past 4 months!  Oliver is such a happy guy, and we have so much fun entertaining him for one of his wide-open-mouth smiles.  He even smiles in his sleep (last picture).

He loves baths, too.  He's sleeping most nights through, with the occasional 3am feeding.

He has lost all of his dark hair that he was born with, and has blonde-ish hair now, just like Griffin and Sammy.  Speaking of, Oliver loves his big brothers!  That is, when they hold still long enough for him to engage them in "conversation."

I'd have to say, though, that Oliver's favorite toy right now is his Mama.  And I'm okay with that.  :-)

A Moment of Reverance

Sammy got in trouble while we ate lunch yesterday.  He said something (aimed at Griffin) that included the words "poo-poo head", and promptly got sent to the bathroom for a time-out.  Our rule is, if you want to use those kinds of words, you go to the bathroom, because that is the only place those words belong.  Down the toilet.  They close the toilet lid and have to sit there for the allotted amount of time-out time -- 1 minute per year of age.

So Sammy stomps his way to the bathroom and plunks himself down on top of the toilet.  I can hear him muttering to himself...

"I don't LIKE Mommy."

"And I don't LIKE Daddy."

"I hate EVERYthing!!!!"


long pause....











"Except God."

Have A New Kid by Friday

Part book review... part life change!

Dr. Kevin Leman writes some GOOD books, people. He is a psychologist, and he has written books on birth order and personality, but this is the first I have seen from him in the area of parenting. I would highly recommend his book Have a New Kid by Friday to anyone and everyone... and I have!!



The basis of the book is this: "How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior and Character in 5 Days" and it is amazing!!! It works!!!!



It has required a lot of hard work and consistency on our part, but the payoff (well-behaved kids... most of the time) is WELL worth the extra work. Here are the main points of the book, but I would recommend actually reading it to get real-life examples of how all of these theories work in action. In fact, MOST of his book is spent in question/answer format dealing with specific issues that many parents deal with. Here is what I learned.



Things your children learn from you, both good and bad:

1. Attitude

2. Behavior

3. Character



Things you should show your children:

1. Acceptance

2. Belonging

3. Competence



*The Keys are Consistency and Follow-Through.* (easier said than done, no?)



Rules to Learn During the "School" Week:



1. Say it once. Turn your back. Walk away.



2. Let reality be the teacher.



3. Respond, don't react.



4. B doesn't happen until A is completed.



The Top 10 Countdown to Having a New Kid by Friday



10. Be 100% consistent in your behavior.



9. Always follow through on what you say you will do.



8. Respond, don't react.



7. Count to 10 and ask yourself, "What would my old self do in this situation? What should the new me do?"



6. Never threaten your kids.



5. Never get angry. (When you do get angry, apologize quickly.)



4. Don't give any warnings. (If you warn your child, you're saying, "You're so stupid, I have to tell you twice.")



3. Ask yourself, "Whose problem is this?" (Don't own what isn't yours."



2. Don't think the misbehavior will go away on its own.



1. Keep a happy face on, even when you want to do... something else.



--- Excerpt from pg. 289, Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman



Here are our experiences with the program so far.



The issues we wanted to work on were:



bedtime -- our routine took about 30 minutes to an hour, sometimes more if Mike fell asleep while rubbing their backs, and included reading, singing, back rubbing, holding, and a song and dance routine... literally, there was one book that we "sang" and they danced around the room... and then inevitably, one or the other of them would be out of their room after we left, saying they needed to go potty, or a drink, or whatever, you name the excuse...



listening -- they heard us, but they didn't listen to what we were saying... and they sure didn't respond immediately to what we said



obeying the first time -- kind of the same thing as listening, but should we really have to repeat ourselves 20 times, or count to 3, or threaten with a spanking, or put them in time-out, or sit them on our knee and give them a lecture, or... whatever, you name it, we'd probably tried it... before they would actually (rather grudgingly, with nothing close to a cheerful spirit) obey us...



behavior while out of the house -- those of you who know us know EXACTLY what I'm talking about... enough said



hitting/kicking/pushing/insert rough behavior here -- it was getting out of control, and I felt like I spent all day dealing with not only the bad behavior itself, but also with the tattling that resulted from it







And here is where we are now:



bedtime/naptime -- we have established a routine that includes

1. they take their shirts off and leave them where they can find them

2. they get their drinks

3. we go with them to their room and wait until they are in bed (naptime, when they are reluctant to go upstairs)

OR

3. they go upstairs to their rooms and get into their beds (bedtime)

4. we wait 5 minutes and then go upstairs... they get "smiles or swats" depending on if they are in their beds being quiet or jumping around and being noisy... (we are still working on this one... we started out saying "after you have been quiet for 5 minutes, one of us will come tuck you in," but we have found that they just lay there and talk, or jump around and talk, or walk around and talk AND jump around... and we have to wait around until they have been quiet for a few minutes, which puts bedtime on their terms, not ours.. that is changing)

5. they go to sleep -- whole routine usually takes about 10 minutes, maximum



listening -- they listen and usually respond after we tell them something once... sometimes it takes a little while before they respond, but if they don't respond at all, I wait until they ask me for something, and then inform them that they will not be getting the desired thing (snack, Play-Doh time, computer time, outside time (a big deal around here), or, only if it is an extreme occasion, lunch) because they did not obey me earlier. This has happened many times, and they caught on QUICK. Mommy is just full of surprises these days!

obeying the first time -- this is going MUCH better. I am finding that I don't have to tell them more than once to do most things. If it is something that has to be done NOW, then I don't follow Dr. Leman's advice to the letter, but only because Sammy IS only 2 (and a half!) years old, and he doesn't have the comprehension/understanding/follow-through awareness that Griffin does. Sammy doesn't get the whole "delayed punishment" thing quite yet. But soon he will. Oh yes. His behavior has changed a lot already. I think it is because I expect him to obey. I turn around after telling him what he needs to do and give him the choice to obey or disobey. When he realizes that I am not going to stand around or lean over him and hover until he has done what I told him to do, he usually chooses to just get it done and come find me.

behavior outside of the house -- This method has been working very well when we are out of the house. I can tell him to sit down in his chair at a restaurant, and then I turn around and continue a conversation with another adult at the table. When he realizes that he is not going to get any more of my attention until he has done what he was told to do (and then most of the time he gets praise), he shapes up real fast. He was even very good at Grandma's (Mike's mom's) house a couple of evenings ago. He got tired toward the end, and was loaded up on sugar, so he was fussy, but still not nearly to the degree that he would have been before we started changing our expectations of the kids.

hitting/kicking/pushing -- I have noticed a change here too. I have implemented a new rule. The person who tattles sits in time-out with the person they tattled on. Unless, of course, the tattling was justified. If the other person was in danger because of what they themselves were doing, or if one of the boys was seriously hurting another of the boys, I take it a lot more seriously than the standard "He LOOKED at me and I saw his tongue and he didn't stick it out at me but I saw it and I didn't like it and I am so offended" kind of tattling that often goes on around here.

So to sum it all up, we love this new way of parenting. It may not be new to many of you out there who have had a lot more time to figure out the whole parenting thing, but it helps me as a parent to have a list of "rules" for ME to follow that are changing my childrens' behavior as well. And I am finding that I can use the rules in dealing with anyone, not just my kids! I'm learning to respond, not react. And that I DO always need to follow through on what I say, or I will not be respected... by anyone, not just my kids. And that I need to be 100% consistent in my behavior. And that I can ask myself "Whose problem is this?" when presented with any situation, and it helps me to stay calm when someone is "making me mad."

Well, it is 6:45am, and Sammy just came out of his room. I am going to make pancakes for breakfast this morning.

Oh! Before I forget... we had a deer right behind our backyard fence yesterday. She was little, but we didn't see any other deer around. Normally there are 5 or 6 walking around together. I got out my camera, put on the big zoom lens, and got all ready to take the picture... and the camera battery wasn't charged. 90 minutes later, when it was fully charged, the deer was long gone. But I'll watch for her to come back, and see if I can get some good pictures. She was SO CUTE!!

The Schedule

So here it is! My latest excuse for not blogging as much as I could and recording all of the crazy, zany, hilarious things that happen during the day around here. I have been making... brace yourselves... A SCHEDULE. I know, right? You never thought it would happen to me! But it has, people, and let me tell you what, we are totally hooked. I know that the schedule looks a little strange to you, so let me share a closer picture. This is what part of our morning looks like. I am pink (being the only girl around here), Griffin is orange, Sammy is lime green and JJ, the 4-year-old I take care of several days a week, is blue. The time slots are in half hour or one hour segments, and the boys are very willing to drop everything and move on to the next activity when it is time! I am amazed at how smoothly our days are running... but it IS only Tuesday, and we just started using it yesterday. :) We have not been following it to the letter, but when the kids start arguing or need a diversion, we go look at the schedule and see what it tells us to do next, and that diffuses the situation. Oh yeah. I promised you more pictures.

Isn't it pretty? It took me about a week to read through the book Managers Of Their Homes by Steve and Teri Maxwell (www.titus2.com), and then several more days to get the schedule worksheets done. I then stayed up late on Sunday night writing all of our daily activities into little colored squares and cutting out the squares and using the provided Sticky Tac to stick the squares to the schedule. It was so much fun, and it felt a lot like putting a puzzle together. The feeling of accomplishment when I had completed it was amazing! And even if we don't follow it to a "T", we will see many benefits from using it, I'm sure!

There is even a forum where you can go and ask questions and talk to other people who are doing the MOTH system to find out what works for other people so that you don't feel completely alone in doing the whole "schedule" thing. It is a foreign concept to me, let me tell you! Even though we were on somewhat of a schedule in school, and I was definitely on one in college, I had never thought of running my household on schedule. I mean, we haven't even started homechooling yet!

We now have made time in our day to get all of the daily chores done, play outside TWICE a day (this makes the boys SO HAPPY!!), brush the dog every day, have one-on-one Mommy time, and I even have two full hours in the evening to spend watching a movie, doing my nails, making cards, surfing the web, whatever! I'm sure there will be less of that type of stuff going on after we start school, so I'm going to soak it up while I can. :)

I'll keep updating my blog and writing about how well it's working and how this schedule impacts our family.

Oh yeah. One other thing. I have gone over the day's schedule with Griffin both mornings, and he has been very good about reminding me that we need to check the schedule to see if we are doing "the right thing at the right time" and are not falling behind. As Caleb said "typical first born!" But hey, he's keeping this "middle child" on track, so his reminders work out great for both of us! Tomorrow we have JJ from 8:45am-4pm, and I think the schedule will be awesome for a full day with three active little boys.

Pennies for Potty

Our potty training days have become much more structured (can you say "structured" and "potty training" in the same sentence without causing a crack in the universe somewhere?) since we have started a little thing called bribery...ah, I mean... monetary inspiration. We got an old jar, and every time Griffin goes #2 in the potty, we add 2 pennies to the jar, and then he dumps them out and counts them to see what the new total is.

So far he has 29 pennies in the jar (he had one taken away when he did a #2 in his underwear), and I have been slacking since I haven't been feeling well (stomach virus of some kind, I assume), but we have been telling him that when he gets 30 pennies in the jar, we will make a special trip to the gas station and let him pick out his very own candy. He has been going on and on about "potato candy" whatever that is, and he knows that is what he will choose. This gas station has a row of candy on the bottom for 10-15 cents each, so he will be able to pick 2 or 3 pieces. Fun for Griffin!

We don't give him anything for #1 during the day, but he gets 2 more pennies if he stays dry at night. He has that one down pat. Forget Pull-Ups, we skipped those completely. I just told him one day that he was a big boy and needed to go in the potty at night if he had to go, and we walked him step by step through the path to the potty at night, making sure it was lit with nightlights at the appropriate places. He has had a couple of accidents, but as he is the first child, he really wants everything to go the way HE wants it to, and wet underwear is not in his plan. (I'm not saying middle children are dirty, they just don't seem to care about this stuff quite so much, plus it gets them attention, and what could be better than that for a middle-born?)

Well, I just know you all have thoroughly enjoyed this invigorating discussion, but such is the fabric (pun intended) of our lives these days.

My First MOPS Meeting

I attended my first MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) meeting tonight at the church we have been attending for about a month now. It was so much fun, and what a relief to know that there are other mothers, in the same boat as me, who also feel like they are going down in a storm sometimes too. It was good to talk to them... you start to feel like you are the only one who straps your kids into their carseats and drives somewhere -- anywhere! -- just to get out of the house for a moments' peace. Yeah, I did that today. 45 minutes of sweet freedom, even though I was strapped into the car too... figure that one out!



We made a neat craft tonight too, a tile that we pasted a picture onto to make a coaster. Here it is, although this is a bad picture of a picture... I still haven't figured out how to work with the flash on a camera when I'm taking pictures of scrapbook pages or pictures... the flash always shines on the picture and it turns out funky. I just point and shoot, that's how far my photography skills have come! The other picture is one I printed out earlier today, and I'm sure I have it posted somewhere else on the blog, but it never hurts to put such a cute picture on here twice, right?

Figuring It All Out

Life has been very even-keel over the past few weeks, but my blogging time has been eaten up by a myriad of other things. Also, my camera has been out of commission... well, okay, all I had to do was bring the memory card up from the basement where I had been uploading pictures to my computer, but I kept forgetting to do it!

Anyway, today was a great day for playing outside, so I just left the back door open so that the boys could run in and out of the house while I baked cookies and did some laundry and dishes. Of course, the flies buzzing around the house are testament to the fact that the door was open, but it was worth it! Griffin just loves to play in the dirt, and Sammy is almost to the point where he will actually get involved in some level of playing with Griffin. Most of the time Sammy still wants to do his own thing or stick to Mommy or Daddy, but there are some occasions when I'll sneak up on the two of them happily working toward the same goal.

I came up with a list of rules for our family. Some of these will take some work on my part! I need to work on a couple of these areas. Here they are:

Family Rules

1. Love God and obey His Word.
2. Obey Mommy and Daddy quickly.
3. Be gentle with people and animals.
4. Tell the truth.
5. Listen to people when they talk to you.
6. Do not take things away from others.
7. Be polite.
8. Respect other peoples’ things – do not break, tear, color or jump on things.
9. Keep your food and drinks on the table.
10. Be happy with the things you have, and take good care of them.

These may not be in order of importance!

The Sticker Chart

Griffin has completely filled in his sticker chart! For those who are unaware, Griffin has been potty-training for the last couple of weeks. We went to the store and got him a whole bunch of "Big Boy Underwear" in Thomas the Train and Finding Nemo designs, and also a bunch of plain white ones. Every time he sat on the potty and actually went, he got three M&M's -- I know, I know, food as a reward isn't good for the psychological development of a child, but I don't think a few M&M's (he calls them "L-N-M's") will damage him for life -- and a sticker for his chart. We have Spiderman, Blue's Clues and Tigger stickers, and he got to choose his sticker every time.

He has been doing very well, and Mommy is getting better at remembering to take him potty on a regular basis. You could say that Mommy is almost fully potty-trained! I think he is knows what it feels like when he has to go, he just need to work on telling me. And bowel movements are another thing. I've heard that it takes a while for many kids to feel comfortable going #2 on the big potty, so that one might take a while. But we're not rushing anything. It will come, in its own (not-so-sweet-smelling) time.

As a reward for filling in his first sticker chart (the next one will be even bigger), we presented him with a little Tonka Truck town that we had picked up for eight bucks at Children's Orchard a few months ago. He is utterly thrilled, and we had fun making a big deal of his accomplishment last night.

Obedience Training Update

Here's an update on how the obedience training is going with the boys. I have been correcting Griffin every time he does something wrong, and I make sure he knows the reason I am getting after him. Sometimes this means a spanking, if it is something like hitting Sammy or picking on the cats or the dog, or directly disobeying something I tell him to do -- for example, I tell him to "Stop jumping on the couch, please" and he looks at me defiantly and jumps a few more times, just to make a point. I don't just let it go or act like I didn't see it or tell him again to "Stop it!!!". I respond immediately and he knows that I will respond the first time, so the bad behavior isn't happening nearly as often. I don't just jump right in and spank unless he is hurting someone else, and even then I sit down and explain what he did wrong before I give him the spanking, and three small swats usually is enough to make him regret what he did.

Other times it just means sitting down with him and talking to him about why something is wrong. He is still learning what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, and I understand that. But sometimes he just constantly wants to test the limits -- we have some days where it seems like all I do is correct him all day long! -- and he does things that I haven't specifically told him not to do (removing the vent covers from all of the vents on the main floor wasn't in our list of house rules), but that he knows he shouldn't do. This happens a lot when we are in a store or at someone else's house, church, the gym, etc. He thinks the rules might have changed, so he will test the limits at each new place we go.

I know this stage won't last forever (it should only take a few weeks or maybe a couple of months), and I try to remember that fact when it seems like I am punishing him for the thirtieth time that day for smacking Sammy or running into him and knocking him over just to make him cry. Of course, my mom also pointed out to me that I need to teach Sammy not to constantly be in Griffin's business. Sammy just loves his brother and wants to be doing whatever he is all the time. So I'll be working with Sammy on his "independent play" skills. :)

When I first started this "intense training", I thought that I shouldn't have to follow him around all day long and constantly tell him not to do things, but how else is he supposed to learn what is acceptable and what is not? A 2-year-old's sense of reason isn't fully developed. I used to think that he should be able to figure out by himself that if something he did was going to make a mess or cause an accident, he shouldn't start doing it in the first place. I was wrong!

Something I have learned is that if I don't tell him not to climb up on the coffee table, then I shouldn't get mad at him if one day there is a cup of coffee sitting on it and he climbs up and accidentally knocks it over. If I have let him climb up there in the past, and there has been no punishment, and maybe we even laughed because it was cute, and then one time he climbs up there and there happens to be an accident, it is no one's fault but my own for not teaching him to climb up there in the first place. I have had to re-teach him in a lot of areas that were acceptable, but now are not because they could cause an accident at some point.

If an accident does happen, I do not punish him for it. This was a totally new concept to me. I had always just reacted to things he did, and if something spilled or broke or got messed up, I got mad. But this is the opposite of what needed to happen. If I teach him that something is not acceptable, and he does it, and then an accident happens, I punish him for the thing he did wrong, not for the accident. Accidents are just that -- accidents. It is my job to make sure his behavior won't cause an accident. Sure, it takes a lot more time on my part, but that's what being a mom is all about. I am there to guide, teach, and correct. Someday soon he will be able to reason for himself, and then he won't be under my "wing" quite so much, but for now it is up to me to teach my boys right from wrong.

That's all for now. Sesame Street is over and it's time for "workbook time". Griffin learns a new Bible verse every week and we get to read stories and do fun activities. Then we'll make lunch and Daddy will come home to eat with us. It's going to be a good day!

Training to Obey

Wow, I haven't posted in over a week! I will not be spending time on the computer during the day anymore, unless the boys just happen to take a nap at the same time and I don't have anything pressing that needs to be done. So my posts may become more infrequent. I have been spending the majority of my time with the boys, teaching them and training them to be obedient. I have been studying the website www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com and have learned so much about how to train my children to be godly, and it starts with obedience in the home. Griffin and Sammy both have rebellious streaks, and it is easy to just let them have their way and not fight them. But the harder way is usually the better way, so I'm going to buckle down and work with them. It is hard for me not to sit down at the computer and check e-mail or browse the web while they are awake, but I've already noticed a difference in their behavior. The true test will be Sammy's birthday party on Friday. We'll see how they do. I'm not expecting them to be perfect angels, but I would hope that the hours I'm spending teaching them will pay off. Griffin's Bible verse for the week... Deuteronomy 27:5... "We will listen and obey."

Carody

A Bright Idea

So Mike was scrounging around the kitchen trying to find something yummy to munch on while we were watching Spider-Man tonight. All of a sudden he got really excited and I heard "All RIGHT!! We have cabbage!" He then proceeded to sit on the couch and tear off leaves from the head of cabbage and crunch away on them.

This is not unusual! I've told many people that he loves to just sit and eat lettuce, carrots, and yes, cabbage, while watching TV. I was a little weirded out by this behavior at first, but I've since gotten used to it. So now that I have this blog, I figured I'd get proof of his strange (healthy!) habit once and for all. But then he tried to kiss me... well, that didn't work out as well as he had planned! Or maybe he was just tormenting me...

I also had to get this picture because while we were sitting there he held the half-eaten head of cabbage above his head and said "Hey, I have an idea!" So I made him do it again so that I could take a picture. Reminds me of another picture that Mama G (his mom) gave me from when he was a boy. He wanted to grow taller, so he grabbed the Miracle-Gro and held the bottle over his head like he was pouring it on himself. Mama G thought that was hilarious, and made him do it again so she could get a picture. Well, needless to say, he was less than thrilled at having to pose like that, so he's standing there with this disgusted look on his face. It's rather cute!

Anyway, the "bright idea" thing was actually rather appropriate, because while I was re-reading my post from a few days ago about Griffin lining up his shoes and how orderly he is, I realized (call it an AHA moment) that wow!! I've been totally missing all of the signs... the poor kid just wants some structure in his life! We really don't have a plan for our days, and although they generally eat and sleep at the same times every day, the boys really don't have anything to look forward to every day. When Griffin was small, I think I actually wrote down a little schedule that we followed for a while. Not a very long while, though. I'll admit it. My follow-through is lacking. I love to start things, but for me to actually start something AND carry it all the way through to completion is a big accomplishment for me. They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right? Maybe it'll work for me. Hi, my name is Carody, and I can't get anything done! Well, I feel better.

So now I just need to figure out what my daily schedule should look like. Maybe I'll have different activities on each day like they do in school. Mondays will be Play-Doh, Tuesdays will be Crayons, Wednesdays will be... okay, I'm out of ideas. Just kidding! I'm actually out of time. I decided that I would go to bed around 9 and get up around 5 so that I will have some alone time before anyone else gets up, and it's already 9:45. I guess I didn't start this plan very well, let's see if I can keep it going! I already get up around 7:30 or 8, which was early for me (I hear you all laughing, so just stop it!), but I don't go to bed until after midnight on most nights. This worked for a while, but now the boys get up before that so I'm going to have to get up even earlier to stay ahead of them. Soon I just won't be able to go to bed at all!

Terrible Twos

I actually got to take a nap today! The boys have colds or something, so they both slept for about two and a half hours. I was pretty tired when I put them to bed, so I decided to go enjoy a little shut-eye myself. I set the alarm for an hour and woke up very refreshed and ready to get on with my day!

Actually, before I took my nap, I hauled all of the toys that have been strewn all over "Middle Earth" up to the toy room. I think I have been keeping some of them on the main living level because I wanted the boys to have something to do wherever they are, but they (the toys) are just too hard to keep track of, and with Christmas coming I know there are more on their way. We need to go through the toy room now and get rid of the ones we don't use. The church nursery could use some new toys.

Griffin has been a little fiend these last two days! I think the cold is affecting him in a negative way. I'm not even giving him medicine, but he still acts like something has invaded his body and is making him act out in any way imaginable. Yesterday I asked him if his diaper was dirty, and he said "NO!" as usual, but then when I went to check it to make sure (I pretty much already knew that it was dirty, you can smell Griffin from a mile away... or at least a couple of rooms.), he HIT me!! Smacked me really hard on the chest, and knocked my glasses down my nose in the process. Mike just happened to be home for lunch when it happened, so he administered the spanking. I don't know if spankings are the answer for Griffin, because he seems to not respond to them very much, but we have tried time-out and he just runs to the chair (whichever chair it is), climbs up and just sits there grinning at us as if he's pulled one over on us and boy, are we stupid. It is so aggravating!! I think he's old enough that I could restrict him from playing basketball or something, so maybe I'll try that tomorrow and see if it works. He is definitely two years old, that's for sure!